the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
