..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
