Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
