My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
