Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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