you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.