i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt