I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Porn is love you can see.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
