Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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