Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
