Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
