my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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