you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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