Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
