why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
