shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
