it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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