is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
