if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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