I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
