Sacagawea was the original milf.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize