Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
