this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
whose parrot is this?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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