Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
