people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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