the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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