WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
