i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
