New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
