i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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