i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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