What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
