I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
