I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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