You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
