New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
