I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
