Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
