a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
