When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize