I am puke
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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