I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
