Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
