I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
