so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
