everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
