every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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