It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want nice things and good sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
