I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
