Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
