I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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