You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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