I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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