I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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