YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize