So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
