I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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