Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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