Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
