he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
