sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
