who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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