Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
