I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
