The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
