Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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