I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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