Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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