I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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