Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
