You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
