I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
