Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.

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(971): View more from Oregon

I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.

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(831): View more from California

I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

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(727): View more from Florida

whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.

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(239): View more from Florida

Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.

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(516): View more from New York

I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.

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