i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
