i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
