I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
two words...techno handjob
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
