just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
