Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
