im drinking this country out of the recession.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
