I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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