Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
